My story starts with my friend Rachel when she first invited me on an Alpha course. I said no thanks and felt that Rachel was a good friend but I would prefer she left religion out of our relationship. At the time my working life was ok. I had recently qualified as a nurse and enjoyed what I did but I did not feel that I was fulfilling my potential. I was in a relationship which was ok but it didn't feel as though it was going where it should. So I got my strength up and made some changes. I got a new job in Intensive care at the JR and I moved to a new house with new housemates.

After a few failed attempts Rachel finally got me along to an evangelistic meeting at the Apollo Theatre led by Nicky Gumbel. I went reluctantly and for Rachel's sake rather than mine. It had a profound impact on me. There were testimonies given by people who seemed successful and not in need of God; they weren't in dire circumstances and yet they had been transformed. It impressed me how their lives appeared to be going well and yet they had found something so special in Christianity. I recognised that I knew what it meant to feel a bit empty. I would look forward to holidays and Christmas but they would pass by and leave that same emptiness inside.

I decided to try the Alpha course and on it I met Stewart who I already knew from work as an IT consultant which was a nice coincidence. I was full of questions on the course such as "Who wrote the bible?", "When was it written?", "What about salvation before Christ came?", and questions about evolution and dinosaurs. I found how there was historical proof other than the bible for the life and work of Jesus. I could no longer pretend it meant nothing. I read a book called Evidence For Truth by Victor Pierce and it addressed the question of evolution and dinosaurs. I saw how many problems there are with the theory and learnt that Darwin said that link fossils needed to be found to prove his theory and if they weren't found it would disprove his ideas. I also learnt that he died as a Christian. At this time I started reading the bible from the beginning but soon skipped to the back to see what happened at the end of the story. I found it fascinating.

My mother had become a Christian nine months before and so I started going to church with her and Rachel. I wanted to believe because it all made so much sense. But I would pray and nothing seemed to happen. When I went to a service called 'That's not all folks' something was happening inside. I did not know what to do. I prayed with some people at the end of the service, which was a difficult step to take but I wanted to do it, and I asked for forgiveness for everything I had done wrong. I felt really sad and I cried at that point. I said sorry and accepted Jesus as my saviour. At that point of the prayer I felt full at last, calm, ecstatic and at last I understood the meaning of life. It is so hard to describe the relief I felt at being forgiven for the burden of my past. I knew I was accepted and loved for being me. I had never felt like this before.

This verse really meant a lot to me at the time; Revelation 3:20

Here I am! I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears my voice and
opens the door, I will go in and eat with him, and he with me.

It really is as simple as that. God was calling me and I had to respond by opening the door. The handle of the door is on the inside so that we have the choice to open ourselves to God or not. My life has been totally different because inside I am full and full of life. I was fortunate to go on the church weekend with my new family. We were learning about discipleship. I feared that I might lose my relationship with God but as time has gone on I has seen my faith grow which has been encouraging. I also fear that I am not good enough for the Lord. But the more I commit myself and pray to God the more I am blessed by God.

The bible is not a restraint but it makes our lives easier in some ways as we learn to do what it says and love God and each other more. I know God loves me and I can trust him with my future because I have found complete fulfilment. I could not think of a good ending to this testimony because I realise that I am just at the beginning. I have got so much to learn and this relationship like any other is not static but will grow and mature. I thank the Lord for putting me in this church and blessing me with all the people who have helped and guided me. I look forward to continuing this special journey.